Being humble is one of those things that I am pretty sure no one ever truly masters in life. It is an "in process" sort of thing that we should definitely strive toward, but not blast ourselves with insults when we fall short.
In some ways, I fall short on nearly a daily basis. On good days, I seek God's forgiveness right away and choose to ask Him to continue to humble me. It is in those instances that I embrace Him most, and seek out his transformative power in my life. On bad days, I lower my head and choose to hang on to that destructive self pride as long as I possibly can-- knowing all the while that I would feel so much better if I chose the former.
Well, this lesson in humbleness came from a "good day" instance... I am thankful and grateful to report!
Parenting is an unique calling in life that provides ample opportunity to work on one's humbleness. One such opportunity is when you screw up and need to apologize to your child. Apologizing to anyone can be very difficult; especially when you apologize from a truly repentant heart. God has worked in me (and continues to) a great deal in this area of apology.
I have the tendency to be "overly" apologetic... What does that mean? Well, the basic gist is that I am apt to apologize out of some deep set sin issues that weigh on my heart-- a biggie is guilt. So, I would automatically apologize without a truly repentant heart. Sometimes I will have done nothing "wrong", but I apologize for some twisted emotional reward or as a manipulative way to seek out an apology from others. These apologies have nothing to do with humbling myself before God and others or allowing the Spirit to work within me to transform my life for Jesus and the glory of the Father.
I have even found myself doing this in parenting my elder son, Elijah. As I said above, this lesson in humbleness did not come from a "bad day" of misusing an apology; rather, God used a "good day" instance of me apologizing to my son to teach me this lesson.
A few days ago I spoke harshly to Elijah for something he should not have even gotten in trouble for doing. Minutes later I felt convicted by the exchange; so, I apologized. In return, Elijah apologized to me. This has happened before; and when it has occurred in the past he is usually apologizing because I have apologized, not out of a need or desire to apologize for doing something to me. Being aware of this, and concerned because I do not want to develop a dynamic where he apologizes out of guilt or due to manipulation, I asked why he was apologizing. He answered with something he had done earlier which could have been accidental or purposeful, I was unsure. I asked why he was apologizing for this thing that could have been an accident to make sure, again, that this was not an apology prompted by guilt. His response was that he had been purposeful in his earlier actions.
This blew me away! My husband and I have been working with our son for three years on the importance of apology and forgiveness. We've talked and talked to him about it, and have demonstrated as we've had opportunity. And while he has apologized before, though I could not remember that until days after-- this morning in fact, I was never struck by how amazing that was... He gets it! God has used our willingness to humble ourselves before our child in this area to bear fruit in him and his life. He is growing and developing spiritually at the age of three, and God is using us in that growth! When all of this hit me, I felt grateful and truly humbled.
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